i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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