Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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