Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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