i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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