That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
