the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
