He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im six kinds of drunk right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
