whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
