i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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