you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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