How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize