as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize