Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
