Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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