Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
