I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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