doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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