College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
