I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
