Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
