the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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