I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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