I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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