Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
