Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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