my mouth tastes like poor choices
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
