There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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