I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
