I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize