Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
