i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
