Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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