JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
