You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
