ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize