Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
