Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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