At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
