would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
