hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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