I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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