My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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