Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
