don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
