And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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