I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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