Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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