its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
