Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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