dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
