maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
