Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
