I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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