This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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