He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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