Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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