I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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