if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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