He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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