I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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