The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
