Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
