Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
