How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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