Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
