Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
