We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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