In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
