sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
