not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
