butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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