Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize