We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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