hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so let's talk penis.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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