She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
