Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
