Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
