do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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