i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
