at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
