dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
