So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
