Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
