Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I supernannyed him into submission
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
