But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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