so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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