why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
