I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
